You make me do this

Friday night, or 3:30am Saturday morning, I was, once again, tossed aside, asked to leave, judged and found lacking, rejected. My gut reaction is shame.  I think, “If I were more fun, skinnier, younger,  had longer and blonder hair, less serious, more light-hearted, not so fucking smart and analytical, he would love me.  He would […]

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Work and Struggle

Relationships should be work, not struggle. I have been divorced over 10 years, and for the first 8 of those years, I dated men who were good companions, but not forever partners.  I held a lot of guilt and shame for my divorce, and just didn’t think I deserved another shot at my 50+ years. […]

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Take Two

In a continuing series of gratitude posts, today, I am grateful for second chances.  I am grateful for grace and love and forgiveness. I fuck up, a lot.  Food, men, booze, duplex workers, you name it, I’ve fucked it up.  But, every single morning, I get a small do over.  I have choices:  I can […]

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Fine. I’ll be fucking grateful.

Life has felt hard lately.  I’ve been far far far out of my little Songbird Lane comfort zone, doubting myself, feeling fearful, and sinking deep deep deep into my pity party. Everything I know about happiness and contentment (qualitative, quantitative, anecdotal and personal evidence) points to gratitude and service as major contributors to said states. […]

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Duplex

I bought a duplex at a tax foreclosure auction.  This poor little building has been vacant, stripped, raped, and pillaged for over 10 years.  The duplex is in a neighborhood that has been written off as a dangerous ghetto slum, meant for people who live worse than animals. I plan on living in this duplex, […]

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Begin

I listen to a lot of smart, successful, thoughtful and inspiring people.  I aspire to be a smart, successful, thoughtful and inspiring person.  Thoughts on how to achieve such status. Begin at the beginning and keep the main thing the main thing.   (I think I stole that from Covey and Martha Beck) Lately, I find […]

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FEAR

We have established that I am a complete chicken.  Everything scares me.  Not much stops me.  However, when the fear becomes too big (or I perceive it as too big) I use excessive substances and behaviors to take the edge off.   The past few months have been a crazy adventure full of excitement, newness, fun, […]

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