Honky Tonks, Tinder, Escort Services, Yoga, Costco, and 85% Cacao Chocolate Bars.

I suck at men.  Please read again.  I suck at men.  (please read one more time, lest you think I wrote, “I suck men”)

Why do I care?  Why does it matter?  According to Gloria Steinem, whose book, A Revolution From Within, has been a major positive and thought provoking influence in my life since I discovered it over 10 years ago says,

“A woman NEEDS a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

I agree.  I am living proof that a woman does not NEED a man.  I live, breathe, survive, think, grow and succeed without a romantic partner in my life.  But what if I WANT one?  Like a pony or a unicorn or a mermaid, what if I really really want one?

So, as any self-reflective person is want to do, I ask WHY.  When going through life, it is an AWESOME exercise to ask WHY in every situation, at least three times.

So, WHY do I want a romantic relationship with a man.

  1.  To share the joy.  It’s just fun to get excited about something, to learn something new, and share it with someone who really gets it.
  2. To live longer.  And to live longer, BETTER.  The research supports it, and who am I to argue?
  3. Sex.  I like it.  I don’t like it as a solo endeavor.  And that’s all I have to say about that.
  4. To be seen, understood, adored, and valued.  To know there is at least ONE person in the world who totally has your back. And I want to offer all of that in return! I want to have a man for whom I am the greatest cheerleader, support, and kick ass partner ever.

So there, I have my reasons, they may not be yours, you may not agree, you may think I’m needy, weak, and just a big fat loser.  That’s cool.  You do you.  I’m gonna do me.

OK, we have established I want a kick-ass, rockstar relationship.  I want it ALL.  Connection, intimacy

, and understanding on every level.  I really like the idea of a “life-balance” wheel.  I’m not very balanced.  I tend to go balls to the wall in one area, while letting other fall by the wayside.  I don’t think I’m uncommon in this respect.  I share the wheel because I want/need/desire my partner to BRING THE JOY in every slice of the pie.  And I’m trying to do the same.  So, now we know WHY I want a relationship with a man.  (see list above)  We have a pretty good idea of WHAT I’m bringing to the table and hoping to experience in return.  NOW.

How the F*ck do I go about finding this unicorn of an experience and relationship?

What I have done in the past has not yielded the desired results.  Like my nutrition and exercise, if what has been done previously has not yielded positive results, time to try something new.  I REALLY have been trying.  Examples:

  1.  Last week, there was an attractive man who was making very intense eye contact and smiling, at COSTCO.  (Is there anything that cannot be found at the COSTCO?)  I had just committed to 48 hours of Tim Ferriss style eye-gazing, so I gazed and smiled right back at him.  We were parked bumper to bumper in the lot, and wound up exiting at the same exact moment.  More smiles, eye-contact, and a general fuzzy feeling.  He drove off, I drove off.  And I decided to do something different.  At the stop, I jumped out of my car and handed him my card.  Didn’t say a word.  Just gave the card, jumped back into my car, and we drove off in separate directions.  We did speak, and after about 20 minutes and a coffee invitation, he managed to inform me that he was married,  32 years,  with kids and grandkids.  Now, I admit, I gave him the card.  And I offer the following observation with no judgement.  He contacted me, invited me out, and THEN let it drop that he is married.  While “technically” nothing happened, I thought of how his wife of 32 years would feel if she knew of our exchange.  I don’t think it would make her feel valued, cherished, safe, or loved.
  2. As mentioned in a previous post, I did contact a company that hosts speed dating events.  These events are for “members only” so I went in to the Fort Worth Dating Company’s very nice offices, and spent an hour of my life responding to my 12-year-old relationship expert’s interview questions.  I was informed that I was doing it ALL WRONG (well duh) and if I paid the SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLAR YEARLY FEE, I would find men of a completely different quality.  OMGoodness.  I laughed out loud, and got up to walk out.  Doogie got me to sit back down, left the room to “consult” with management, and came back offering to “sponsor” me for the tiny 1K yearly fee.  If the men in the waiting room were any indication of the “quality” of men I would be meeting, I just wasn’t interested.  I need men with teeth.  Is that so much to ask?  And perhaps the men who paid the 7K would be better served going to a dentist and getting their grills fixed.  I’m being mean, petty, and shallow here, but the heart wants what it wants, and my heart wants teeth.  Final note on the dating company:  whenever they called my cell, which they have repeatedly, my caller ID populates with “ESCORT SERVICE.”  Not reassuring.  Not reassuring at all.
  3. RIGHT after the dating interview, which was actually positive in that it helped me clarify what mistakes and missteps had been made in the past, and solidified what I’m really desiring/requiring in the future, I went to the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens and had my first TINDER date.  This gentleman and I had spoken on the phone, and he was cool.  So we met.  Nice guy, just no heat.  Nothing bad, no real story, just not a love connection.  The thing I found MOST attractive about this person?  Before and during our date, he asked me a LOT of questions!  About everything.  He was genuinely curious about who I was and what I thought.  He had also read the blog and clicked on several of the links! He really seemed to want to KNOW WHO I AM.  SO COOL!  Sadly, there was no physical attraction, and I think he felt the same way.

 

I feel this is a MAJOR problem with past relationships.  I ask questions, listen to understand, and seek to know my partner on a deep level, and they don’t offer the same investment in return.  This is MY FAULT.  If a man or potential partner has no interest in who I am or how I think or WHY I think that way, then he’s not the correct person for me and I need to move on.  If a person is truly interested in who I am, the least they could do is read this dayum blog.  lol.  There’s a lotta useful Laura sh*t in here.  Someone I love has a blog, and I read it DAILY.  First thing in the morning.  Because I want to know how she feels, what she is thinking, what is bugging her, what is thrilling her, and just the derpy stuff that is on her heart and mind.  One day, someone will do the same for me.  ASK ME QUESTIONS will be a future post.

4. Thanksgiving was spent with an old male friend, and I had contact, either in person, or via text, email, phone with a few other old flames/flings/friends.  I LIKE to tell myself, “well, I’m in such a different place now, maybe our interaction will be different”.  Yeah…our interaction was different.  I have much less tolerance and patience for male bullshit.  So that’s a done thing.

5. Yoga.  There is a man I have seen twice coming and going from the yoga studio.  I remember him from Bikram over 12 years ago.  He is beautiful.  Like, makes my pulse race and mind go stupid whenever I see him.  So, I saw him yesterday going into the class after mine.  As I was rendered completely useless by his glorious presence, I could not even say hello.  SO, I determined, that if/when I saw him again, I WOULD be ready to say SOMETHING! But after the Costco incident, I needed some data.  A quick message to my yoga instructor let me know that he’s married with 4 kids.  Which is awesome.  I’m so glad I reached out to her and saved myself time, mental energy, and let’s be honest, potential embarrassment.  Case closed on beautiful yoga man.

6.  Lastly, the honky tonk.  sigh.  I really should know better.  Some cool friends were heading out to Guitars and Cadillacs (The Horseman in a former life) which is a honky tonk/dance bar close to mi casa.  I decided to tag along.  Some really good things happened.  This couple and the people I hung out with are really positive and have good juju.  I danced with the ladies and had a great and amazing time in my own body while being completely sober.  I spotted a gentleman I thought would be fun to dance with.  For a few reasons:  I saw him dancing with many different partners, of varying skill levels, ages, and body types.  These two things told me that he could probably adjust to my dancing abilities (or lack thereof), and probably wasn’t a shallow jerk.  I did NOT want to marry him…just wanted to jitterbug, twirl, and possibly get flipped.  It’s been 12 years since I’ve been flipped, and lemme tell you, if you think yoga inversions are fun, they don’t have a dayum thing on a good ole country dancing flip.  So, I watched, I waited, I smiled and eye-gazed.  Finally, I took a deep breath, walked up to him, and asked, “so are you part of a dance club?  Or something like that?”  He said, “no, I’m here with a group of friends,” turned on his heel, and walked off.  Effectively shutting me down.  My first reaction?  My GUT, GUT, GUT reaction?  “I’m so fat and stupid.”  That’s my goto.  I smiled, finished my water, and drove home, via the Walmart.  Where I picked up three high quality 85%, 86% and 90% dark chocolate bars.  I tasted all of them mindfully (ok, somewhat mindfully, one did get broken into while I was still in the car), and went to bed.

OF NOTE:  I did not drink.  I did NOT eat ALL of the bars, I just tasted.  Ghirardelli’s won hands down by the way.   AND…this morning, during my walk, I had a thought.  (It happens.)20161126_222846.jpg

I am here to bring joy, to myself and beyond.  Every morning I repeat the phrase, “I vibrate and attract Joy.”  (feel free to point and laugh here, but there are worse things I could be saying) MAYBE, just MAYBE, this person was NOT joyous, and I didn’t need to attract him into my experience, evening, or life.  Maybe I’m not fat and stupid, maybe he’s not joyous or in alignment with my goals.  Maybe I’m not the problem.  Oh, and maybe bars and honky tonks aren’t the best place to look for joyous men.  I don’t know.  I do know that I love my friends and I love to dance.  So I will probably honky tonk in the future, but will try not to go to the “fat and stupid” mantra if I get shot down.

I have no wisdom here.  I have only my honesty.  And my hope.  Always hope.

Love and Light,

Big Laura

6 thoughts on “Honky Tonks, Tinder, Escort Services, Yoga, Costco, and 85% Cacao Chocolate Bars.

  1. Great post, Laura. And for the record, I thought your handing the card to the gentleman at Costco was brave and awesome–regardless that it didn’t turn out. My baseless recommendation is that THAT is the type of circumstance in which you’re most likely to find the spark that leads to a unicorn.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Laure,
    Always love your posts!!
    You are so amazing on so many levels…I love that you have a card that you can give to people!
    Yeah that dude should of been wearing a ring or should have at least text to tell you he was married… to go to the effort of meeting you makes me wonder….
    I love your mind and could read your posts over and over!!!

    Like

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