- I started to feel fatigue/crashed around 2-3pm daily.
- My sleep started getting more jacked up than ever
- Wedding (Dane’s, not mine, praise the Lord)
Number’s one and two were my initial reasons for stopping the experiment. But in hindsight, I didn’t give it long enough to really see if the fatigue and sleep issues were a lasting effect.
Number’s 3-6 are just typical, too much food and stress (even good stress, food is my goto) and CELEBRATIONS. I am working on celebrating with PEOPLE, not food, but it’s a work in progress.
But whoa nellie. Number seven is a kick in the proverbial nuts.
Of course there’s the obvious issue of dates wanting to eat. That’s just the way it is. And I like food, but even the best choices at a restaurant aren’t as wonderful as my home cooked greens, eggs from happy chickens, kerrygold butter, and organic seasonings. Just NOT!
Dating is stressful. Excitement, hope, rejection, disappointment are all strong and powerful emotions. It’s ok to feel them, but that is still new to me.
FINALLY: And I issue this with no judgement. The men I’ve been meeting and communicating with have made it very clear that they like THIN and FIT women. Which is totally cool. There has to be initial physical attraction, then the mind and heart can follow. We all have attributes in a potential partner that attract or repel us, and that is personal and OK!
That being said, I still feel like a fraud. Like a fat girl who is just fooling everyone.
I want to be sure I am respected, liked, and eventually loved for my heart, mind and soul. So I think perhaps I’ve been over-consuming in order to hide the body for a bit. No bueno.
Over-consuming dims my light and joy. Yes, on a physical level, I don’t feel well. BUT more importantly, when I eat shit, or even mindlessly consume high quality food, my spirit, soul, mind, heart, and body all suffer. ALL.
No situation, person, or emotion I am attempting to avoid is worth diminishing who I am. And using food or substances as an avoidance mechanism does just that. Diminishes. Makes small. Hurts.
So, once again, I regroup, reassess, and begin treating my body, spirit, mind, and soul with compassion, kindness and love. All about holistic living, Maslow, and the Wheel.
I have some knowledge, my first action is this post, (more to follow), ready for CHANGE.
Light and Love,