PANIC. STUBBORNNESS. And Whole30 Day One.

Yesterday was Day ONE.  Whole30 day one.  I was ready, I had the supplies, I had the app, I had planned some meals.  I had written the post, I had joined the Facebook and Twitter groups, I WAS A WHOLE30 GO!

Then.

I ate all the fruit.  (Call Mexico and check.  It’s gone.)

I ate all the almond butter.

I ate all the salad.

I ate all the fat. (Kerrygold, MCT, olive oil, avocado oil, coconut milk, ALL. THE. FAT.)

I ate all the roast beef. (Grass fed of course)

I ate all the nuts.

 

I did not move.  I did not write.  I was alone.  I did NOT do anything remotely like the meal planning template suggested by Melissa (the Whole30 Goddess).

And I hurt.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  I HURT.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY (yes, that’s THREE reallys, in capital letters) did not want to write this post.  Once again, I felt like a failure, fraud, and just big old fat stupid dumb ass.  Isn’t it amazing how over-consumption can make one feel as though intellect and IQ have completely diminished?

WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  Remember, when you want to know something, ask “why”.  Then, ask it again.  And one more time for good measure.

WHY?

1. I’m dating, and it just sucks.  I am a horrible dater.  Always have been.  Probably always will be.  But I want my unicorn, so dating is a necessary evil.  Bottom line, when something sucks, hurts, or causes any type of discomfort, food is my go to.

WHY?

2.  I dropped Dane and Tiffany off at the airport yesterday.  Our departure time was 4:45am.  Which was no problem, but that is typically my walk time.  And my routine was off.  NO EXCUSES.  I could have easily come home and hit the pavement, but instead, I hit the apples and almond butter, facebook, and bed.

WHY?

3. I dropped Dane and Tiffany off at the airport yesterday.  And my house was empty.  I love (and sometimes hate, ha!) having a houseful of people, especially MY people, and it is always an adjustment when they leave.  And, loneliness is a powerful emotion.  Powerful emotions are hard.  Food is easy.

WHY?  (this is a bonus why!)

4.  I’m stubborn, and hate being told what to do.  External food “plans” have ALWAYS been an issue for me.

What (and who) we put into our bodies is an incredibly powerful and personal CHOICE.  And when I feel that choice is being usurped, I tend to panic and rebell.

I just do not do well with someone else’s plan.  For food, for living, for anything.  Pretty sure this is why I’m single, but that’s an entirely different post.

Today is a new day, and I have made my own damn plan.  Yes, it is Whole30 “compliant”.  BUT, it also incorporates aspects from Ultramind and Bulletproof that have made me feel kick ass.

Make your plan.  Live your one wild and precious life.  Smile, Laugh, Move, Eat, LOVE.  Find Joy.  Be Joy.  Spread Joy.  I for one, cannot find, be, or spread JOY when I’m smothered in almond butter.  Just can’t.

Light and Love,

Big Laura

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8 thoughts on “PANIC. STUBBORNNESS. And Whole30 Day One.

    1. Thank you! This made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
      Everything you said was just right on and I’m excited to look at the links you provided. It’s a daily struggle for me.

      Like

  1. Love your blog, Laura!! Do you have IG? I’d like to follow you on other platforms! Just started my first whole30 and it ain’t easy. I accidently ate peas and corn yesterday… Oh well!!! Could’ve been a whole cheesecake 😉 We can only do our best, one day at a time.

    Like

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