Match.com. How I love thee. I have been on match for approximately 3 weeks. And wow. Just. Wow.
When completing your match profile, you are required to select YOUR body type. The choices are: slender, athletic, average, curvy, and a few extra pounds. I chose average. For a few reasons:
- men can filter their searches by body type, and anyone who would exclude average, is not for me.
- my body is the AVERAGE of every experience I’ve had up until this very point.
- I believe in undersell, over deliver NO one can claim to have been misled. Average is a very safe and neutral concept and word.
- Maybe I should go with curvy. Lord knows I paid enough for these curves. HA!!
So when men reach out, and their FIRST choice of communication topics is my BODY and their assessment of MY BODY, it is a red flag. (or it should be, I’m not very good at this, remember?)
In all fairness, I get that we all have things we find attractive in a partner and potential mate. THAT is ok. I like tall men. I like smart men. I apparently date assholes, but that’s really not something I find attractive, just something that seems to happen. (and NOT all of my dates are assholes, If you’re reading this, I’m sure you were lovely).
Skip the sizzle and get to the bacon. I have met THREE men from the match site in person. All three are successful. All three are bright. And two of the three were/are completely hung up on SKINNY CHICKS. As in, size 00, 5’7, 110 lbs skinny. Yes, these statistics were mentioned more than once. So, of course, I googled “size 00” and THIS popped up.
Size 00. I am NOT going to slam or shame this woman, (nor should you) but it is NOT my desired look. Nuf said.
OH, non sequitur: The third man might be hung up on skinny chicks, but he was more hung up on telling me how rich, powerful, athletic, smart and enlightened he was, so we didn’t get to the skinny chick part.
Which is cool. Really. Cool. FOR THEM.
Man number 1 informed me that he divorced his wife, the mother of his two children, because she gained 75 pounds and he couldn’t bear to touch her. His choice, but not mine.
Man number 2 sent me this: (I’m the blue, he’s the gold)
it makes me want to :
- kill someone
- run away and hide like a former fat chick who hates herself and her body
- date women.
And I still went out with “fat chick” guy. (who was short). Please don’t judge. It was one date. ONE. When, during our lunch, I brought up “the text”, He told me he thought he had really hurt my feelings when he sent it. I expressed he had not really hurt me, but that statement said loads about his character. It made him seem small. It diminished him in my eyes. He may or may not have gotten it. Either way, a second date is not on the docket.
Many people for whom I have great respect say that we are the product of the five people we spend the most time with. I refuse to spend any more of my precious life and time with people who are assholes. People who see only the external. People who view humans as bodies, not souls.
I get it. Dating is about attraction and chemistry. People like hot bodies and long hair and big boobs. I GET THAT. Perhaps I am unrealistic to expect a man to LIKE me, AND think I’m pretty, and then, one day LOVE me, no matter my size, shape, age, wrinkles or other physical attributes. I am hoping to find a good soul attached to a great ass. Or a great soul attached to a good ass? And a HUGE, AWESOME, GIANT, JUICY BRAIN! The kind of brain zombies would fight over. For real.
I share this because we ALL have toxic people in our lives.
And what goes into our bodies, minds, souls, and hearts is a CHOICE. It also has a very strong and direct influence upon what we put forth into the world.
I choose Joy. I chose Love. I choose ALL the Good Things. I choose my Unicorn.
Light and Love,