Hole, or Whole?

I attended “The Holistic Fair” in the historic stockyards of Fort Worth, Texas, yesterday.

The Holistic Fair features over 50 facilitators of Complementary and Alternative Modalities, Nutritional Consultations and Products along with Energy Medicine Practitioners and Intuitive Readers. Most practitioners offer 20 minute sessions for $20.00.

Note:  At first glance, I missed the word INTUITIVE proceeding the word READERS.  LMAO.  I just thought, healthy, holistic people who like to read??  Well count me IN!

Indeed.  So, in a nutshell:

  • I attended the first three of the talks/presentationsscreenshot_2017-01-09-06-18-28-1.png
  • I reconnected with an old friend who was also in attendance
  • I made a totally bad ass new friend
  • I had my spine scanned (I don’t do chiropractors, so this was interesting)
  • I laid on a table and had some guy connect my circuits?  I couldn’t find him on the list of vendors, and while he smiled a lot, he seemed really nervous and mumbled, so I’m not sure what exactly was going on
  • I purchased some crystals (sigh, don’t judge, they’re pretty, and they’re a concrete reminder of the path I’m trying to take)
  • I connected  with the couple selling the crystals about self-publishing and love.  (that’s where the conversation went, don’t ask me how)
  • I connected with a man who teaches and facilitates Square Foot Gardening.  (I see this in my future)

And I saw.  As much as my very limited eyes, heart, gut, and spirit were capable, I saw.  Witnessed.  Attempted to understand.

I saw people.

  • Doing the best they could with what they had.
  • Trying to help.
  • Trying to heal.
  • Trying to grow.
  • Trying to be whole.
  • Trying to fill the hole.
  • Trying to make a buck.  (nothing wrong with that, girl’s gotta eat)

I think most people are seeking joy, or avoiding pain.  Or perhaps both.  And I think there are so many many modalities that claim to bring joy and alleviate pain.

And ultimately, JOY and PAIN are found completely within.

Many, and I MEAN MANY of my well-meaning friends and family have told me directly, or indirectly (ie behind my back, which is cool) that TRUE HAPPINESS, FOR ME (LAURA) could be found if only I would come back to the LDS (Mormon) church.  This is not offensive to me in any way, as I know, at the base of this sentiment is LOVE.  But believe me when I say, I’ve done the Mormon thing, and it’s just not my path.  God, Jesus, LOVE, yes.  Mormons, no.

I do not slam or disparage the LDS Church, I do not slam or disparage the Holistic Fair Practitioners, actually, I try not to slam or disparage ANYONE, but bullies and assholes sometimes take a hit.  So, there’s that.

I have, (and at times still do) seek JOY from externals.  Is there a supplement?  A machine?  A book?  A guru? A podcast?  A vegetable? SOMETHING outside of ME that will bring JOY?  And then I remember.

I remember, a moment on my yoga mat.  I was praying for healing.  PLEADING with God and the Universe to just let me heal. Let me find peace.  Let me find Joy.  And the impression came so clearly:

Everything you need to heal is right here, on this mat.

Well fuck me.  I mean, I heard it.  So, I looked around, and you know what was on the mat?  ME.  Just ME.  My blocks, strap, towel, water, they were all nearby, but not on the mat.  Just. Me.

And you know, those yoga mats are pretty tight spaces.  So you know who’s on your mat?  I’m guessing it’s you.  (Occasionally, Rusty the weenie dog squeezes in.  But he’s pretty healing, so my epiphany still applies.)

I offer this post as a reminder, first to myself, secondly to anyone else who may be seeking healing through external sources.  YOU.  DO.  YOU.  Get on with your bad self.  Heal, find JOY.  BE JOY.  Eat your greens, laugh, rest, breathe, LOVE.  And allow others the space to do the same.

Light and Love,

Big Laura

Rusty the weenie dog.  Often sneaks onto the mat.


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One thought on “Hole, or Whole?

  1. Pingback: Dirty. | Big Laura

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