I’m in two facebook groups that offer support and information about the Whole30 reset/elimination plan. Yesterday, I posted this:
OK. Lara bars. I honestly purchased them BEFORE starting. Not knowing what they were, or how I would use them. Turns out, I’m using them to the tune of SIX inhaled last night. This is not sex with my pants on, this is just a cheap hooker of a one night stand with huge regrets in the morning. Is there an acronym for this? MY QUESTION: I purchased two boxes online. They cost a lot. I MAY need them in case of emergencies. Where or how would YOU store or deal with such items? I don’t think they get to live at the house anymore. Please don’t judge, and PLEASE don’t tell me my behavior is OK or normal. I’m ok with what happened, done my WHY and am ready to move on, just want suggestions on what to do with the damn bars.
A FEW POINTS FOR CLARIFICATION:
- Sex with your pants on, or SWYPO: Given the constructs of the Whole30 program, you’re stuck with Paleo pizza. There’s no gluten-laden crust, there’s no sugary tomato sauce, and there’s certainly no fresh mozzarella. And during your Whole30, eating Paleo pizza is just like having sex with your pants on. (this is from their site) I would add that any food that is an attempt at replicating nasty-ass food that doesn’t bring joy would be considered SWYPO food.
- Cheap hooker of a one night stand, OR CHONS. This is all me baby. This would be considered inhaling mass quantities of food, no matter the quality, in order to avoid feelings. We do not need cheap hookers or one night stands. They do not bring joy. I’m not sure about expensive hookers, that may well be another post.
So, Larabars, while wonderful, natural, beautiful and blessed by fairies, are a CHONS food for me.
The BEST response to my facebook post? (AND, there were over 400 hysterical, thoughtful, and amazing responses) BUT THE BEST:
WHAT CLASSIFIES AS AN EMERGENCY?
Seriously. Awesome. Question. Because, as was mentioned in a previous post:
HUNGER IS NOT AN EMERGENCY
Last year, I determined to remove the phrase, “I’m starving” from my vernacular. Because, I AM NOT STARVING. I’m hungry. I’m stressed. I’m feeling uncomfortable, but never once in my 45 years have I been remotely close to starving. The human body can survive over 30 days without food. Often longer.
I share the above image judiciously, mindfully, and with great reverence and respect. This woman is starving. My complaints about lack and hunger are absolute, ungrateful bullshit. I am not starving. Ever. And to indicate in any way that I am is a slap in the face to those who are currently or historically in a state of true physical starvation.
Back to my original facebook post: “I MAY need them in case of emergencies” Well, upon further reflection, that is also bullshit. Where food and starvation are concerned, there are no emergencies. I. Will. Not. Die. End of story.
Oh, and final note, they did not bring joy, they were numbing scary emotions, and scary emotions are also not an emergency.
Be mindful of your words. Be grateful. Be love. Be joyful. And for God’s sake, if you choose to have sex, take your damn pants off.
Light and Love,