In the past 6 weeks, lots of words, labels, names, and thoughts have come into my life:
- you’re too intense
- you’re not right
- you’re a distraction
- you’re mindless
- you’re a monkey with a machine gun
- you’re too much
- you’re too much drama
- you need too much
- you’re beautiful (physically, I get this a lot, in various forms)
- you’re sexy/hot (again, physically)
- you’re sensuous
- you’re uniquely and unapologetically different
- you’re a force
- you’re funny
- you’re adored
- you have a unique contribution to make
- you’re one of the smartest people I know
- you’re a survivor, a beautiful, feminine, loving survivor
- you’re awesome
- you’re the bomb
- you are doing good things
- you’re exhausting
- you are a mental hijacker
- you are overwhelming
These are all words from others. That have been received in the written form. I actually went back and looked.
FROM ME TO ME. (It’s a gift, really)
- You’re fat (I logically know this isn’t true, but it’s my goto when I’m feeling insecure)
- You’re weak
- You’re stupid
- You’re alone
- You’re needy
- You’re too old
- You survive, maybe even beginning to thrive
- you try
- you persevere
- you try again
- you’re honest
- you’re too much
- you share too much
- you want too much
- you’re fucking beautiful
- you’re fucking amazing
(these two thoughts really happened! Mostly when listening to Bruno Mars Uptown Funk and grooving in my bathroom while getting pretty)
Lesson here? More Bruno Mars and More getting Pretty.
God loves me. He/She/The Universe wants me to have the biggest fucking JOY ever.
This thought is difficult to trust and hold on to, but it does run through my noggin from time to time, so it went in the post.
I claim truth where I find it. I also reject bullshit in the same manner. This manner of thinking and feeling causes great frustration, both to those I love, and even within myself.
For instance, I am probably the weirdest former Mormon ever. As there are parts of the doctrine that are absolute truth to me, and I hold them dear. Not out of culture or tradition, but because they speak to my soul and. Are. Truth.
Again, that holds true to the bullshit part. I don’t care who you are, what position you hold, what degree you have, what world religion you head up, how much money, fame, prestige you have, if what you are putting into the world resonates as bullshit to me, I will reject it, and move on.
No one person, (not even Donald Trump or the Dali Laima) have it ALL wrong or ALL figured out.
***Jesus is my guy. (He may not be yours, and that’s totally cool, you do you, I’m going to do me) So, while Jesus is my ONE consistent TRUTH, even his words and life experiences have been distorted by various MEN/WOMEN throughout the ages.
I share the aforementioned, because in my readings and listenings this week, I have heard a LOT of truth. From great minds and hearts. Old, young, dead, living, famous, infamous, white, black, male, female, makes no matter. Truth is Truth, and I claim it as my own when I find it. Thoreau, Whitman, Popova, Keats, Godin, Jesus, Hemingway, Nussbaum, Mary Oliver, and even my sweet yoga instructors, they have all given truth this week.
And my BIG truth. The one that made me weep. The one that I feel. That resonates. That is my heart. My mind. My body. My soul. This truth comes from a privileged white Mormon male apostle. And I claim it as my own.
From Jeffrey R. Holland:
“I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power.11 I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”12 Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another.”
Bullet points to this paragraph?
- Atonement and Resurrection are REAL. (and all encompassing)
- My weak and corrupt qualities will one day become powerful and incorrupt
- We will be made whole. Perfect, even. Breathtakingly perfect. (mentally, physically and spiritually) Take a moment. Digest those words and that thought.
- until such time, show some damn compassion. To self and others.
This is my truth, these are my “words”.
Light and Love,