My school and staff are pretty awesome. So when we have a monthly potluck, it’s a throwdown. And these people can cook. Bake. Bring. All. The. Food.
Suffice it to say, yesterday found me falling face first into a pan of s’more brownies. It was not a taste, it was not graceful, it was not mindful. It was pure CHONS. (cheap hooker of a one night stand). It was not healing for my gut, for my body, for my head, or for my spirit.
I then proceeded to come home, and inhale organic dark chocolate chips, organic sugar free coconut, and raw almonds.
I then asked, “why”. This is all about data, growth, change, and learning. I really didn’t feel shame, didn’t even feel guilt, just felt sick, and a bit disappointed and silly (as I know this consumption will leave me feeling physically ill and fatigued and foggy for a few days), but I did feel curiosity. WHY on earth would I choose to consume such things when I know such consumption is not in my best interest.
So, I wrote:
- It was there.
- Everyone was doing it.
- It tasted good.
- I’m facing some Unicorn issues.
Let’s break this down
- Yes, it was there, but I didn’t have to go into the teacher’s lounge, I have really had very little to no temptation over the past year, so this answer is bullshit. NEXT.
- Yes, everyone was doing it, but if you know me, the mob mentality is actually a reason for me NOT to do something. And, no one held me down, pried open my jaws, and shoved the brownies down my gullet. So, this answer is also bullshit. NEXT
- It tasted good. Yes, the first brownie tasted good. The subsequent 8-10 brownies? (yes, I did. Don’t judge) AND then the choco/coco/almond concoction at the casa? I didn’t taste these at all. So, this answer is ALSO bullshit. NEXT.
See why it’s necessary (at least for me) to ask WHY 3 times? Apparently, I’m full of shit, and it takes 3-4 tries to get to truth.
Without details, there’s this Unicorn. And I like him. And it’s scary. And Exciting. And hopeful. And scary. And fear is a big emotion. Love is a big emotion. There are some who put forward that fear and love are actually the ONLY emotions. All others actions and feelings are rooted or driven by love and/or fear. I’ve given that some thought, and find a lot of truth there. (but that’s another post)
And rather than feel (love/fear or any other resulting emotions), I took a 12 hour period off from feeling and used over-consumption of toxic and numbing substances to check out for a bit.
What are our takeaways?
- Laura is a chicken
- It takes Laura a lot of WHY’s to get to the REAL answer. (in other words, Laura is full of shit.)
- I now know why. I have my knowledge.
- NOW, I have a choice. I can choose to take this knowledge and grow and change in a positive manner, or I can choose to remain rooted in the habits of a scared little girl.
All up to me.
Light and Love,