There is a man. I have determined not to refer to him (or anyone for that matter) as a unicorn. Unicorns are fictional, mythical, magical creatures, and it is not fair to put these expectations upon another human being. An inherently flawed human being. (as we all are).
I’ve been cooking. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. Purchasing the coffee he likes (I don’t drink coffee). Reading books and articles he suggests. Viewing videos he sends. Seeking to understand. And today, I’ve been resentful. Mind you, he has not asked me to do any of this. I have done it “willingly”.
Or have I.
I think I have done some of these things (reading and viewing) in order to better understand this person, to get an idea of what lights him up, what makes him tick. He has done the same for me.
The shopping/cooking/dishes. Interestly enough, we both share many of the same views on nutrition, so it is just easier to eat at the house than it is to attempt to find the type of food we choose to consume in a restaurant setting. So, there has been a lot of cooking going on. And he hasn’t purchased a grocery nor chopped a veggie nor done a dish. And I haven’t asked. I think I may have even said “no” when he offered. I don’t know. But I’m finding myself, again, resentful. Perhaps I should actually speak up. Novel concept.
I have been giving a lot of thought lately to “feminism”. What it means. What it looks like. And I have determined, FOR ME, feminism is doing what I really like. (as long as it doesn’t hurt others). Feminism means action should NOT be taken out of cultural expectations or demands, out of tradition or because any organization or institution forbids or requires it. Feminism is action based upon my soul. Nothing. Else.
This definition causes me be a bit reflective. Do I really like to cook? Some days. Do I like to do dishes? No. Do I like to grocery shop. Yes, I actually do enjoy it. Don’t ask me why. I also want to feel appreciated, reciprocated, and valued. Which begs the question, why. Why have I been doing these things. And a lot of my motivation is: I want this man to like me. And I have forgotten, that I want ME to like ME.
Light and Love,