I consider my holiday season to begin on October 13 (Cai’s birthday) and end on Valentine’s day, which is tomorrow.  During this timeframe, there are almost weekly family or national celebrations.  And we celebrate with food.

20 lbs.  Yup.  128 in September/October and 147 this morning.  Lot’s of reasons.  Lot’s of why’s.  I am so much more than a number on the scale.  BUT the scale does offer solid and irrefutable data.  Something is  off.  And I’m inflamed, puffy, and just gaining fat as a result.

Animal flesh and sugar.  I’ve added both of those into the mix starting around October.  The animal flesh was a deliberate choice, and the sugar was me being lazy and stupid and somewhat arrogant.  (thinking a little bit wouldn’t hurt, the addict’s mantra)  and sugar is addictive.  This is not hyperbole, it is just truth.  (see here)

The animal flesh is easy to give up.  I don’t much care for it, it felt yukky in my body, and it’s expensive.  Done.

Now, about the sugar.  Sigh.  It’s my crack.  I remember when I first gave it up in May of 2016.  Day two.  (and there had been more “day one’s” than I can count over my 45 years)

All instructional specialists get a very cryptic call to come to the conference room, immediately.  I finished up with my students, and made my way there.  Our vice principal had brought in a spread as a thank you for all of our hard work.  So kind.  So thoughtful.  And he brought the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever had in my life.  (and I have had a lot of cinnamon rolls, so I know from best).  Yes, better than Ruth’s homemade.  And that’s practically blasphemy.  I had experienced these rolls previously, so I knew what I was up against.

I chatted with some friends, quietly did not partake, and then went to leave the room.  ONE woman just had to comment, loudly, “Laura, you’re so thin already, why aren’t you eating?!!”  Sigh.

1.  I was giving up sugar for mental health and vanity.  I had read an article about the aging effects of sugar consumption on the skin, and that was enough.  Make me fat and crazy?  No problem.   Make me OLD?  Aw, HELL NO!
2. Why do we feel it is alright to comment upon the dietary choices of others?  It’s NOT.  Nor is it alright to comment on body size, shape, condition.  Just not our place.
3. If I had replied, “Wow, you’re so fat, and you’re eating platefuls of crap, and you miss a ton of work due to illness, why ARE you eating?”  I don’t think that would have gone over so well.

I just mumbled something about my tummy having troubles that morning, and went back to my office.  Where I proceeded to message a good friend who had my back on the sugar thing, and white knuckled it through the rest of the day.  AND. IT. WAS. HARD.

But I did it.  And, contrary to what I had thought my entire life, my cravings did subside, my tastebuds did change, and it got easier.  Of note:  I thought people who said these things were 1.  liars  2. crazy  3.  didn’t love sugar the way I did.  The only way to really experience it, is to do it.

I got lazy, and stupid, and cocky, and forgetful.  And last night found me, once again, up to my eyeballs in sugar.  I’ll spare you the details, just trust it wasn’t pretty.

So, I get to go through the pain all over again.  Maybe one day I’ll learn.

Light and Love,

Big Laura