All I got is a rock.

While trick or treating on Halloween, Charlie Brown observes his friends receiving candies and treats galore, and upon checking his own bag, repeatedly finds, “another rock”.

Yesterday, while attending an Earth Day Yoga/Journey session, participants were instructed to bring “something from nature.”  I found myself on my mat with 4 rocks, a shell, and a penny I found in the parking lot while walking in.  Others had crystals, plants, blossoms, there were even two who brought nothing.

My rocks.

  1.  One rough and ugly rock with a “B” in black Sharpie on it’s side, picked up on a Mount Baldy hike with Dane, in which we were solo at the summit for quite some time, and we had an experience in which that boy healed and comforted his mother with his pure love.  Those who know us, know that we love deep, but deep often means buried under seasons of Simpson like behavior and humor.  So, this moment of spirit speaking to spirit, and the accompanying tears from BOTH of us, is etched in my memory.
  2. A polished rock from a junk/book store as a 25 cent memento of the day spent “derping” with my daughter after my  mother’s funeral.  A day I spent laughing, crying, and being healed by her intuitive, hilarious, intelligent and wise soul.
  3.   A really cool fossil found on one of my many hikes/therapy sessions with Deb and Joy around Benbrook Lake.  We have walked for hours over the years, and these ladies have my back, and hopefully, I, theirs.
  4. A perfectly creamy eternal spiral shell, which I think I got at some lake/river/ocean somewhere.  And a 2012 beat up penny I found in the parking lot while walking into our Journey.  These were shared with a friend who had nothing.  I always have enough to give and share.  (there’s a lesson there, I’m sure of it.)
  5. A small, grey/brown, heart shaped river rock.  Lumpy, imperfect, kind of dirty, and nothing spectacular.

Yet, I remember finding that rock.  I was on the Llano river, still and silent (Deb was trying to shoot a Heron, so stillness and silence were mandatory)  The riverbed had thousands of rocks.  All shapes and sizes.  I scanned carefully for over an hour, and came away with this marble sized heart shaped river rock.

This is what I held in my hand for my journey.  This is my Earth medicine.  What did I learn?  Or more aptly, what did I remember?

My healing comes from connections, Dane, Cai, Deb, Joy, friends who need to share.  I am seeking a true connection with a life partner, and have suffered a few losses, or perhaps we shall say, have learned several lessons along the past 47 years.

In my journey, I held and and protected my rock in my hand.  I held it loosely, with ease and comfort, walking through a rock arch with a partner.  We laughed, splashed, communicated and connected.  During my journey, my mind went to the formation of this quirky little stone.  It was once part of something far greater, grander, and more substantial, but wind, water, stress, and time have broken this little heart, shaped it, smoothed it, and made it something which I chose to carry closely.

One day, there will be a partner who celebrates my wee broken heart.  Who chooses me after quiet and still observation.  Who holds me loosely and safely.  Who cherishes my lumpy and irregular self.   A partner who sees the weathering and observes the erosion, and not only allows me to be, but celebrates my me-ness.

And until this time comes, I will, like the rock, practice infinite patience.  With such patience comes total freedom.  Freedom in knowing that there is a plan, I will choose myself, and allow myself to be chosen.  I will cherish myself, and allow myself to be cherished.  I will love my broken heart, and allow my broken heart to love.

So, Charlie Brown, hold on to those rocks.  They’ve been through a lot, and will serve you far better than processed junk food.  Find that little red head girl, and tell her everything on your heart.  Keep trying to kick that football.  One day, just stiff arm Lucy in the throat, grab the damn ball, and send it soaring with the punt of your life.

Light and Love and Namaste Y’all,

BL

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earth day one
Yoga, Journey, Love

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