There is a Japanese proverb, “Nana korobi, ya oki” which means “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” It means choosing to never give up hope, and to always strive for more. It means that your focus isn’t on the reality in front of you, but on a greater vision that may not be reality yet.
Anyone who reads this blog is fully aware of my capacity for falling, and hopefully, has a small inkling of my ability to get up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on.
So, after some truly spectacular relationship endings, I got up, dusted myself off, and met someone.
Our friendship and relationship are relatively new. And, since I’ve been hurt, betrayed, and embarrassed about my poor choices in partners, I’ve kept all of my excitement, flutters, laughter, hope, and twitterpated feelings to myself.
This man treats me with kindness and respect. He makes me feel cherished and adored, all while we howl with laughter at our own hilarity. He makes me feel safe. We can (and have) talked about nearly every topic under the sun, and when we disagree, he is patient, understanding, and completely accepting of me being ME. I’m actually more of an asshole when we disagree, often discussing an issue far past what is necessary, in order to convince him of my “rightness”.
What an amazing gift. To have someone strongly disagree with you, and absolutely respect and love you anyway. A dear friend once told me that I am still single after 11 years because I’m difficult. WTF??!! I laughed and feigned shock. He amended his word choice, and said, “you’re not difficult, but you are challenging. You set high standards for yourself, and require a partner who does the same.” I also realize I have strong opinions, and can be somewhat abrasive when expressing such. And this man is calm, shows grace and humor, and just lets me “jabber on like a monkey in a tree.” (Forrest Gump reference)
I have loved with abandon, and I have loved quickly, and I have loved big. And it has bitten me in the ass. Yet, I continue to get back up and attempt the whole messy, wonderful, terrifying, exhilarating, uncertain, and breathtaking “love” thing, again. Because one day, I will rise for the eighth time, and every crack in my broken road will make perfect sense.
Light and Love,