Sometimes, I am so fucking exhausted. Just want to lie down, pull the covers over my head, and sleep Rip Van Winkle style, exhausted.
I have been doing some work on becoming “wise” (did you know there’s a course for that??) Part of the work towards self-actualization and wisdom includes knowing where and who I am right now, and figuring out how to find balance and growth for tomorrow.
Meyers-Briggs and Enneagram personality tests are useful and dare I suggest, fun? tools for self-reflection and self-discovery. I mean, we are all egocentric to an extent, and LOVE finding out more about the most interesting person in our world: ME.
However, figuring out what parts of our life and personality are strong and sometimes overpowering other beneficial traits and ways of thinking provides a unique opportunity for growth.
Meyers-Briggs: I am an INFJ: The Advocate. My very nature is to help save the world, often at the expense of myself and my relationships.
Enneagram: I am a type ONE: The Reformer. Again, I want to save the world, live a life that is in alignment with my core values, and all while maintaining extremely high standards for myself and others.
I very rarely allow myself to play, as my work is never done. In most of my personal and professional relationships, I am the task-master. My students and children know that Ms. Hall (or mom) has high expectations, and “does not play.” Yes, this is a direct quote that I have heard many times over my educational career. “Yo, You better knock it off, Ms. Hall don’t play.”
Ms. Hall don’t play.
I don’t like to play. I have better things to do with my time. My parents were not big “play” people. Our quality time was spent working together as a family. Which is not a negative, just not that common in an era that is progressively more “distracting”. Think, cable tv, VCR’s, video games, blockbuster movies, and now, social media, Youtube, smart phones, digital media, and so much more that I am not listing.
In my own life, hiking and driving have to be accompanied by audio books or podcasts. Weekends are for cleaning and organizing the house, working in the yard, shopping, cooking, yoga, reading, and MAYBE, some extra TV watching. (and if I do watch TV, I feel incredibly tense the entire time, and have to remind myself that it’s ok to “do nothing”).
I would rather go on a walk with friends than meet for dinner or drinks. I don’t like sitting. I hate being stuck in a car. I even have an old laptop in the sauna so I can read, watch Ted Talks, listen to podcasts or write blog posts in there.
I recently set some priorities for the next 14 weeks, and as I write this, I realize there is not ONE item on that list that involves recreation and play.
Surely this is an area for growth? Learning to play? But playing in ways that are fun for me. More quilting, more crafting, more writing, more friend time, more hiking and exploring, more goofy jokes and communication with my kids.
Perhaps, if I add PLAY, I won’t need to Rip Van Winkle my ass.
Light and Love,