When I love you, I am your biggest cheerleader. I will give you the shirt off my back. I will cook for you, clean for you, write you sweet little notes, and even pick up thoughtful lil gifts when I am out and about. I value growth, learning, health and joy. I am educated, employed, and absolutely debt free. And if I love you romantically, my physical connection and drive is healthy and often outpaces my male partner. All this to say, I am a good partner. Not perfect, but “good.”
I have had a lot of men say THE three words. I. Love. You. But I have had very few men back it up with corresponding actions. My last two partners have still been emotionally and physically connected to their wives (ex). Even after I clearly communicated how sharing the intimate details of our relationship made me feel hurt, betrayed, and unsafe. To be clear, I am not unreasonable. Jake and I have co-parented very well since our divorce (12 years ago), but we also respect each other’s boundaries and truly want each other to be happy in new relationships. So our communication is limited and focused on our children and mutual family.
My most recent partner and I realized early on that alcohol is not a good combination with our relationship, and we committed to give ourselves and our relationship the gift of sobriety. Only one of us kept this commitment. (Hint…it was me).
The lies and betrayal finally broke me. Broke us. He still wanted to know if there was any way for us to start over. He Loves me. (his words) I was finally able to step back and point out that his actions are screaming. Not only does he NOT love me, he doesn’t even respect or like me. In the wee small hours of the morning, I got a text. And it helped me understand. I could never figure out why these men act with betrayal, lies, and contempt, but speak with love. He wrote.
“I didn’t love you, I was just caught up in a beautiful woman who was feeding my ego.”
Thank you. Finally some honesty. And, finally some clarity.
My number one love language is “words of affirmation”. So, I often fall for sweet, loving, and pretty words, when there are no actions to back those words up.
Coming soon. A partner who loves, adores, and cherishes me. Not just for the ego-boost, but for me. All of me. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Light and Love.