Fool me once…

I wrote this for me, but I also wrote for all women who are mistreated and abused and made to feel they are to blame. We hide and cower and are told to “keep our shit quiet”. I’m not. I’m just not doing it anymore. I’mma singing and dancing and writing and shining a light on dark places.

4 weeks ago, a female friend of Jeff’s moved into his guest room.  She is going through a divorce, has no job, and wanted to rent a room.

The first Monday nite she arrived, they stayed up until 3:30 am drinking and getting high.  They were loud, and I had to work the next day, so around 2am, I asked them to please keep it down.

She moved her things in, and redecorated the house, spread all over, and kept spending nights out and in drinking with Jeff.  I was working 10-16 hour days, and when I would stay with Jeff, I just wanted to cuddle with HIM and spend time with him, but I was told I was a fucking bitch if I didn’t sit on the couch and socialize until all hours.  It was never mentioned that I offered to help her obtain a job with good pay and benefits, that did NOT require a college degree.  She declined, “my head is not in a space where I can work right now.”  Must be nice.

I have been told that I was a fucking bitch who treated his guest like shit because I went to bed without saying good night, and did not eat a meal that she “prepared for me.”  I apologized for going to bed at 10pm without saying goodnight (after being up since 4am) and received no response.  And I had no idea this “meal” was for me, as I try not to eat so late, as it makes me fat. lol.

One evening, I asked Jeff if I could stay over, saying I just wanted a glass of wine and HIM.  I got undressed and into our bed, and Mindee came into our room, and stayed for over 30 minutes “chatting”.  When she initially came into our room, I said, “oh my…I’m not dressed…and she responded, “that’s ok, I sleep naked too!”  This incident is indicative of her complete lack of social intelligence.

I tried to speak with Jeff about her lack of boundaries, and he told me I was being mean and small and told me to remember how it was when I was getting divorced.  I determined that boundaries and kindness were not mutually exclusive, and told Jeff I would ask for our bedroom to be off limits, and for quiet time in the house after 10pm.  Everything else, the decor, the smelly plugins that made me nauseous, the dog shit in the house (she has two), the partying with my “boyfriend” I could and would let go.

jeff boundaries one

This is how shitty I am.

jeff boundaries two

Shitty part two

Before this “boundaries” conversation could even happen, I had a 9-hour training in Plano.  The training was on Friday, November 9, and was also about 10 minutes from Jeff’s house.  I asked if I could spend the night and just cuddle and watch Hulu.  He agreed, and said he was tired too.  I had two glasses of wine, and fell asleep about 8pm.  I woke up at 10, he was gone.  I sent a text, asking where he was, he said he had gone to hear a band.  I had no issues with this and went back to sleep.

At 3:30am, Mindee and Jeff came in very drunk and probably high (which isn’t the best course of action, considering he’s just been convicted of a DWI) and Rusty (my dog) had peed on the floor.  Mindee went into a rage.  She screamed that I was a fucking bitch.  She screamed that my fucking dog was ruining this fucking house.  She screamed that I was AGAIN, a fucking bitch who didn’t pay my way.  I was in shock, and I said, “hey, can we talk about this in the morning?”  She put her finger in my face, and screamed, “HEY…We’re going to do this right now, young lady!”  (which was pretty funny, considering she’s 10 years younger physically, and about 12 emotionally).

I looked at Jeff and asked him if he was ok with this.  He said, “yup…just leave.”  So, I did.   At 3:30am, I got in my car and drove to the duplex.  On Sunday, I paid someone to pick up Rusty and deliver him to me.

That is the last time I’ve seen either of them, and the last time I’ve heard from her.  Jeff has told me repeatedly that she was justified in her attack because I treated his guest like shit.

chicago dog

My “fucking dog”, Rusty.  He’s about the sweetest thing in the world and did not deserve to be screamed at by the drunken banshee.

I don’t think that type of abuse is ever justified, nor do I think I mistreated her at all.  Jeff also told me he was tired of my fucking dog pissing in his house.  Which is entirely ok, but is a conversation to have with me, not something to let his tenant scream at me about.  Side note: if Rusty is let out, he does not pee inside.  He does have to be ENCOURAGED to go out.  So when Mindee and Jeff are home all day, and I am working 16 hours, exactly who is to blame here?

As a small consideration, I asked Jeff to please be sure Mindee was not at the house when I collected my things.  He responded, “Jesus Christ, she fucking pays rent and lives here.”  So, I went to get my things, and Jeff (the coward) was gone, and Mindee was there.

  1.  There was piss on the floor.  Rusty had been with me for over a week, so, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t him.
  2.   I asked Jeff if he wanted me to take everything of mine from the house, he responded, “yes.”
  3. So, the woman who “doesn’t pay her way”…me… (BTW, I was not a tenant, I was supposed to be his girlfriend, and I did NOT live there…although he begged me to) took the dryer I purchased when his broke.  Took the boxsprings I purchased when he gave his to his daughter.  Took the drawers in his closet that I had purchased so he didn’t live like a fucking pig.  And I would have taken the vent returns and paint from the walls that I paid almost 1200 dollars to have cleaned, replaced, and painted, but I was in a hurry, and not quite that petty.  QUITE.
  4. He still owes me $3000, which was due November 1 (per our written contract) and he lied and told me he would have it for me.  So, I pulled the trigger on having a fence built.  Since he didn’t pay me, but I actually honor my financial debts, I borrowed from my retirement to make things right with the fencing guys.  Yet he stood there as she screamed this nonsense at me.
  5. Jeff can't pay, again

  6. How I am treated when he once AGAIN, tells me he cannot pay.

  7.  There were some clothes in the dryer which were taken mistakenly.  I couldn’t figure out why he was so insistent he get them back until he told me some of them were Mindee’s.
  8.   My initial reaction was to keep everything until I get my money, but, because I am not a liar or thief, I folded, boxed, and left the clothing at the front desk at work for him to pick up.

I am writing all of this because it is making me sick.  Not only will I NEVER get an apology from either of them, but they are laying blame at my feet.  And I keep playing the past 4 weeks over and over in my head, to be sure I’m not the crazy one.  He has a way of doing that.

For once, I will not take the blame.  This shitstorm is not on me.  I made a horrible choice in dating this man, and in trusting him, but I did NOTHING to warrant her attack and his support of such.

I realize this is NOT full of light and love.  I just want to document the truth.  Because I have a way of forgetting and forgiving things.  And while I want to forgive, so I can move on without rancor in my heart, I don’t ever want to forget, lest history repeat itself.

A huge part of me wants to be ashamed.  But I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I loved and remained loyal to an abusive and manipulative man.  That is not smart, but not evil.  Until a light is shone on such behavior, it will continue.  Hell, his behavior will probably always continue, but MINE can change.

So, consider this my little bit of light.

BL

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