Fool me once, wait, been there, done THAT.
Oops, I did it agai…oh snap, that too!
How about three strikes, you’re out. That’s a new one.
I have been promised things. Important things. Promises of love, creating a life together, mutual integrity, and respect.
And these promises have been broken. Not only broken, but repeatedly broken. Without remorse or apology. I actually get blamed for not communicating effectively, therefore, the betrayal is of my own making. That’s some fucked up gaslighting right there.
I want to blame him. HOLY COW, do I want to blame him. But I ignored red flags, blinding, flaming, scarlet blood-red flags, from the beginning. From day two. That was the first lie I discovered. And that was a doosie. But, he’s really cute, and really charming, and nothing was REALLY his fault. So, while he is the one who lied and betrayed, I am the one who stayed after the first, second, third,….and so on and so on.
Sigh. Wisdom school is teaching me to find balance among my moving (body or gut), heart (emotional), and head (intellectual) centers. I went with my emotions while ignoring my brain and my gut. I was warned by his daughters as well. Double sigh.
I am now out five months and $10,000 dollars. Not to mention the five months he lived without making any significant contributions to the household. Hopefully, the money will be paid back, if not, this was not only a heart shattering lesson, but a piggy bank shattering one as well.
Since I will never recoup my heart, my dignity during and over this period, or my time, perhaps this THIRD strike will really be the OUT for me. Out of relationships with men who bring nothing but tears to the table. Out of men who manipulate and lie and lay all of the blame on my shoulders.
The famous Forrest Gump line goes, “I’m not a smart man, Jenny. But I know what love is.” My line can go, “I am a smart woman, UNIVERSE, but I am learning what wisdom and love are.” And, typically, I’m a really good learner.
Light and Love,